I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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