So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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