god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
