I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
