It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
