my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
