Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
