He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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