hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
