Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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