Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
