I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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