you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
