you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
