I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
