so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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