I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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