I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
