Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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