My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
