respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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