There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
