It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
