Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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