I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
