I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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