i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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