I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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