I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
