woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
