Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
