So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Come see our sink grown plant.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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