We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
They have beer where we have blood.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
