The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
