I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
