Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
