im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
