He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
