just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
