He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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