wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
