I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My vagina is very pro this idea
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
