I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
