omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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