remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
