do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
