before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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