I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
