I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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