I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
