Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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