piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
