please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
